Day 6

Before I start today’s report I should assure everyone that the wife is still alive and kicking. Even though I maintain my idea of a human offering to the poker Gods is a good one I shall have to find an alternative donor; unless of course they’d be satisfied with a limb or two rather than an entire body. The main news today (with Iraq and Afghanistan being pushed to the sidelines) is the 38th position I earned in the $250 freeroll at lunchtime. My $0.90 prize money has been added to the bankroll amid absolutely no publicity whatsoever. Another nine of these and I’ll be ready to play the money tables; with the way I’m performing at the moment, Read more

Day 5

A momentous day. Fanfares of trumpets fill the air; chorus lines of topless dancing girls high-kick their way across the living room and a snowstorm of golden ticker tape falls gently to the carpet. Yes you’ve guessed it…I made the money in this morning’s freeroll. I don’t know if it was my ridiculous mode of play that ensured the cash tumbled into my bank or the prayer to the poker Gods, but it worked. I went all-in at every available opportunity; any pair, any suited connectors, any Ace, any two face cards. It was crazy; I let out insane shrieks of laughter like a mad scientist in a test tube factory and played like a complete asshole. But I won. Read more

Day 4

Not a good start to the day…or the rest of it to be honest. As you have probably gathered from yesterdays report there was a specific item that was cause for concern. The wife’s curry. What in the name of Satan’s scrotum did she make it with? I think she might have used Semtex and sulphuric acid rather than curry powder. I made it to the toilet just in time before the World exploded from my bottom. I’m not saying it was hot but I think at one point while I was sat there my arse went down for a drink. My screams could be heard for miles. After sitting there for several hours I decided it was safe to Read more

Day 3

Now, this is going to be a very tricky entry to write, not because I didn’t enter any freerolls today (which I didn’t) but because my wife reads it. I should explain. As I noted yesterday, every Friday evening I organize a game at my local club. It’s a nice friendly Hold’em ‘freeze out’ and there are usually about 15 or 20 starters. Most of the players are friends (I do have friends – and not just imaginary ones) with the odd new face enjoying the friendly banter and genial atmosphere. Tonight the wife decided to sit in. For those readers whose partners may also be thinking about taking up the wonderful game, I have a suggestion. By all means Read more

Day 2

There are many burning questions in life. Is there a unified theory in quantum mechanics? Can the space-time continuum be warped to a singularity? If reincarnation exists why does Michael Jackson keep coming back as the same thing? These questions and others have been discussed by the greatest thinkers of our time but perhaps the most important of all has been overlooked: Why the hell did I choose poker as a hobby? I can answer just one of these with a high degree of confidence, and it’s not the one relating to a small plastic surgery enthusiast with an unhealthy interest towards children. With the house to myself I was able to enjoy a leisurely self-indulgent lunch consisting of three Read more

Day 1

There are two reasons I question my sanity. Firstly because Mrs. Snowman and myself are currently staying with my mother-in-law and secondly I’ve decided to enter the murky and mind-altering World of online freeroll poker tournaments. For those of you that don’t know, these modern gladiatorial contests are the equivalent of playing Russian roulette with an automatic pistol…i.e.: an occupation guaranteed to make you lose at least part of your mind. As the name suggests, “freerolls” are poker tournaments that are entirely free to enter but carry a prize fund of real money. Most of the major online casinos offer such games and for those with the personality of a saint they can be the source of much enjoyment. Everyone Read more