Day 16

Today’s entry starts with an apology. Yesterday the Internet connection was lost half way through a game and I was forced to call my providers customer services. It transpired there was nothing wrong with connection or indeed the service. Mother-in-law forgot to pay the bill last month. Moreover, the person I eventually spoke to was very helpful and solved the problem within minutes after my credit card took a pounding. However, their voicemail system is still a pile of poo. So, I’m back on the Internet and ready to strike terror into the hearts of unsuspecting poker players across the world; or at the very least give them a laugh with my unbelievably crap play. The day got off to Read more

Day 15

I write this post from the relative safety of the sofa and with all my bodily parts more or less in their normal locations. I’m not sure if it was the chocolates, the wine or the professional (and unbelievably expensive) repair job done by the plasterer who arrived at some ungodly hour this morning. The living room ceiling no longer looks like the aftermath of a Baghdad bombing run and has returned to a more traditional appearance. During the day I put up the new coving, painted the ceiling and was sat admiring my work when Mrs. Snowman came home. Her mood suggested she was impressed with my handiwork as she didn’t approach me with a baseball bat or sharp Read more

Day 14

I write this post from the relative safety of the sofa and with all my bodily parts more or less in their normal locations. I’m not sure if it was the chocolates, the wine or the professional (and unbelievably expensive) repair job done by the plasterer who arrived at some ungodly hour this morning. The living room ceiling no longer looks like the aftermath of a Baghdad bombing run and has returned to a more traditional appearance. During the day I put up the new coving, painted the ceiling and was sat admiring my work when Mrs. Snowman came home. Her mood suggested she was impressed with my handiwork as she didn’t approach me with a baseball bat or sharp Read more

Day 13

I’m in big trouble. I started the decorating with the very best of intentions. Several layers of wallpaper were stripped easily, the skirting boards were sanded down to a smooth finish and the carpet came up without any hitches. Soon I’d be ready to hang the new wallpaper and give the place a fresh lick of paint. All I had to do to complete the initial stages was to get rid of the old coving. Easy. I sat down with a stimulating beer and contemplated the best way to approach it. I’m sure there’s a specific tool used for removing decorative plaster but whatever it is I don’t have one, so I thought the best thing to do was improvise. Read more

Day 12

Yesterday I devised yet another plot to triumph in the freerolls that involved getting drunk before starting and then playing in such a relaxed manner than I would win at a stroll. I was successful in only half of this plan for the midnight event. By 10.00pm I was so drunk I could barely see the laptop let alone the screen. My memory is a little hazy over the exact details but I do remember lasting just shy of ten minutes in the tournament after decided I had a burning desire for a peanut butter and jam sandwich. I played on for another three hands but my heart wasn’t in it. I wobbled to the kitchen and made the messiest Read more

Day 11

Today I’m in a good mood. The reasons for my happiness are twofold. Firstly I won the Friday night game at my local club (winnings: £60) and secondly, the mother-in-law is going away for five days. I shall skip over the live poker, as there will be a brief report later in today’s post and focus instead on the important issue. For five whole, blissful, beautiful, quiet days I shall be able to slob around the house to my heart’s content. I look forward to drinking beer direct from the can rather than having a glass thrust under my nose every time a ring pull hisses. I look forward to openly farting after dinner without being screamed at. I look Read more

Day 10

Today should have been pretty boring. The excitement of yesterday’s excursion has subsided and I returned to my quieter existence at home. Three freerolls had the pleasure of my participation today although I didn’t last long enough in any of them to impart any words of wisdom to my fellow players, apart from a choice phrase or two when I was knocked out going all in pre flop with A-K suited against 7-9 off. That didn’t last long either as my chat was disabled for use of obscene language. And so my day progressed unhindered before I was disturbed by a telephone call from Mrs. Snowman. She had been requested to work an extra couple of hours, would arrive home Read more

Day 9

Following my disgraceful play in today’s lunchtime freeroll (winnings: $0) I decided it was time to take a break from the computer screen and relax. I subsequently phoned a friend and we decided to meet up for a few drinks. The wife was safely tucked away at work so I thought I’d be perfectly safe having a couple of cold ones and bitching about my bad beats to a sympathetic listener. So far this sounds a thoroughly reasonable and civilized way to spend an afternoon as indeed it was…for a while. We found a nice looking pub, ordered our drinks and weaved our way through the customers to find a seat. The conversation ebbed and flowed easily and the volume Read more

Day 8

Things are not going well. Halloween night brought with it the usual plethora of revolting young kids knocking the door every five minutes demanding unrealistic amounts of cash and threatening to redistribute the contents of our refuse sacks if it wasn’t forthcoming. Out of the kindness of her heart, the current Mrs. Snowman gave the first few visitors a handful of coins under the condition they wouldn’t spend the money on booze. I’m sure they didn’t, the little darlings probably blew it on crack instead. When I was young we were lucky to get a few sweets or an apple. Nowadays it ends in trouble if they don’t receive enough money to put a down payment on a small house. Read more

Day 7

Well, the first week of my diary has rolled forward and, as you’ve probably deduced, it’s been fairly representative of my life in general. My ever suffering wife has managed to complete another seven days without killing me or seeking sanctuary in the divorce courts, my mother-in-law hasn’t made any trips abroad to replenish the soil for her coffin from her native land, I’ve played some breathtakingly awful poker and the cat continues to torment me at every turn. Indeed it’s the feline that opens today’s proceedings. Before I go on, I should point out that I’m partially responsible for the event as I forgot to let the damn thing out last night. You can see where this is heading… Read more